I don’t feel like I have a net positive impact on society. When I search my feelings and examine this notion I’ve arrived at, I don’t really see any contributions that end up being notable. I’ve done things that have amused me or that I’ve enjoyed, but I can’t really say I’ve done anything to meaningfully change anyone’s life. Not someone else’s, not my own, I’ve never really done anything substantial.

Sometimes I’ll be doing something, usually driving, and I’ll sort of go on auto-pilot. My mind will drift away from a connection to what my body is doing and my body will sort of autonomously manage the slight nuances of the steering wheel and my feet will kind of automatically guide the acceleration of the car in a regular manner. It’s the wildest thing to be driving without even being mentally present. Sometimes someone will fuck up and almost hit me, and I’ll either have to brake or swerve or what have you. It’s the weirdest thing to be snapped back to reality. Sometimes the jerk back into reality can feel weird. It can make me wonder if it really happened. Did I actually die without realizing it? Am I actually still here? There are other times I experience that, too. Hell, sometimes I’ll wake up still kind of high from the night prior and wonder if I’m actually alive or if I died in my sleep. It’s the oddest thing. I mean, I rationally know I am not dead. But without knowing exactly what death is as an experience, how does anyone know they’re alive? You can observe a dead person at a funeral home, but those dead people might not be dead in another universe, right? I don’t know. It’s all just so weird. Every day feels longer than the last and yet somehow they’re slipping by without my even realizing.

Have you ever read about the cosmogony of the gnostics? It’s wild. It’s some of the wildest shit I’ve ever read, and humorously enough it’s about equally possible compared to the ordinary Judeo-Christian bullshit people readily lap up like so many thirsty bitches. They believe that the universe was created by a subordinate God, the Demiurge. He’s not the godhead, necessarily, but an agent of it. They also believe in reincarnation. I suppose I should say “believed”, since they were very effectively stamped out with the formation of the orthodoxy. It’s an interesting thing to think about. Can you imagine going to a church, and then having a rival church show up and tell everyone at your church that you’re all “worshipping god incorrectly”? It’s funny, though. We’re seeing the exact same thing today with LGBT-friendly churches earning plenty of ire from other, more mainstream religious entities.

Bruh. For fucking real though. What a day. Just what a fucking goddamn day. It’s just goddamn crazy. But after tomorrow so much will be over. I’ll have wrapped up a number of projects and closed a couple orders. And it’s about fucking time. Like, seriously. I’ve been absolutely stretched thin on this shit. It feels like I haven’t relaxed in a while. I mean, goddamn.

I don’t know. I just don’t know. Life comes at you fast. It really does.

Watching the last episode of this show, and the cannibal shit is fucked up. Armie Hammer is a psycho and wouldn’t be shit if he weren’t born into wealth. Hell, he was born into wealth and he still isn’t shit. He’ll never star in another movie in his life.

So he has cannibal fantasies and he enjoys rape, got it. That’s pretty clear. Anyone think he’s going to try to sue the producers of “House of Hammer”? I bet he won’t even try because the fucking coward knows he’s guilty, and trying to sue the makers of the documentary would end up landing him in a situation legally that would not end in his favor.

Man, watching this Armie Hammer shit is pretty telling. Armie Hammer seems to have some combination of sociopathy and narcissistic personality disorder. It’s wild.

Work has been pretty demanding lately. It seems like the all-consuming and eternal Sisyphean shit-show that taints every molecule of my being with sadness and longing for a better world.

Billionaires and the ultra-wealthy see us as cattle. We are not their peers as they would have us believe in media and propaganda that they spout. We’re basically a commodity. They’re using us as resources either to make more money for themselves or for their own sick pleasure. Especially these familial dynasties involving generational wealth, they’re the worst offenders. I think we should just murder all the billionaires and distribute their wealth, honestly. It’s long overdue, if you think about it. The French and Russian revolutions were quite some time ago. I think it’s time to buy a few billionaire tags.

Finally we’re back to having two working cars. We picked up a ‘24 Equinox for my lovely wife to wheel around town with and I’m driving her previous car. It’s just a relief to not be strained getting everywhere we need to go with one car or borrowing cars.

I’m still mad at myself for fucking my car up. That shit sucked. It was a 2020 and it was paid off completely. God. Fucking. Dammit. And don’t ask what happened, either, motherfucker. I’m 200% irritated with myself.

At some point somewhere in the past I said to myself a dangerous mantra that I think we’ve all told ourselves at one point or another. “Just a few more weeks until {x} and then it’ll all be good from there.” The {x} can literally be anything from a life event to a large purchase or an activity or gathering. It can be anything. The time window can be anything too. It can be one year, five years, ten years, or ten minutes. The length of time always counts down, unless it doesn’t. Sometimes the goalposts move on us. Sometimes they don’t.